I feel fat

Notice I wrote I "feel" fat, not I am fat.

If you are 60 to 100 lbs overweight, fluctations of 5,10 or even 15 pounds is not that big of deal. If you are normo-weight, 5 to 10 lbs is noticeable. If you are a triathlete, a 2 to 3 lb weight gain makes you freak out. Some of you must think I'm cuckoo because one week I'll complain about not wanting to lose more weight, the next week I'll complain about looking too muscular, and now I'm complaining about being fatter. Nothing makes you feel fatter than being around a bunch of triathletes, especially Ironman level ones. But then as Phil says, he looks at these women and want to tell them "eat a hamburger or something." I look at some race pictures and think "damn, my legs look goood!" Then I look at other race pictures and think "ugh, my legs look huge!" I don't want to diet, or start monitoring my calories really carefully, because this just fucks with my head and I become very bitchy and grumpy (please don't tell me how many fat grams or carbs or points or calories I can have - it just makes me very oppositional.)

Is this a woman thing? A triathlete thing? A woman triathlete thing? Arggh, I don't want to think about this anymore! I feel very distorted.

Comments

[Jim Opre]

Good to know that I am not the only one with these weighty demons floating around. So, not a woman thing,, and I think not so much a triathlete thing. I think it is based on where we were, versus where we are at. When we have dealt with weight issues in the past, they continue to be issues, even though the weight loss is long ago. But, I am not an analyst, I just post comments on Blogs.

[RBR]

*sigh*

You know I struggle in this area as well. I am glad that you have that sliver of rational mind that says it is "I feel fat", not "I am fat."

I have no answers or even words to make it better. Except maybe I think you look fantastic and am so inspired by your transformation in body, health, and mind.

Love you, girl. Hang in there it gets better. It always does. Then it gets bad again, then it gets better, then... well you get the point. :)

Smooches to you and the Tobmeister!

[Rebecca]

Huh, I was going to say "Yes, it's all those things" but then Opre commented above. :) Being a novice athlete/triathlete is hard on the body image, especially when your peers are mostly Ironman people. I think you look awesome, but it doesn't really matter what other people think right?

[Formulaic]

Nothing makes you feel worse about your body then being surrounded by a bunch of athletes. Especially Triathletes. I find myself starting enviously at a guy with a six pack, or a different guy with powerful arms, or another guy with tree trunk legs.

The problem with triathlon is that there are so many ways to look insignificant!

But you just have to trust in yourself. Take a look at your race, you blasted past people who were dying! Being super skinny or fit doesn't make you better. Being you makes you better!

[Susan]

I hear you. I find that my self esteem and body image can vary wildly depending on whether I'm hanging out with "normals" or triathletes. I can go from fat to skinny in a heartbeat. I have spent some time and effort trying to find clothes that I feel attractive in for races and training because the skin tight lycra just doesn't work on the 46 year old body. I take the extra time to put on a running skirt in T2 and find that it's well worth it to feel somewhat covered up. I think I look better too.